How Mommy got her groove back
You’ve been a new mother for six weeks now. Time to rediscover yourself

Dré Dee

It’s taken 10 months — not nine, as you’d always thought — to meet your new bundle of joy (and tears and spit-up, etc.). You’ve wisely spent the past few weeks recovering from the birth and simply trying to stay sane while feeding, diapering, bathing, soothing and getting to know your little one. But now your thoughts are turning to you: that paunch and those maternity jeans you just can’t seem to shake; the fear that things aren’t so taut “down there,” wreaking havoc on your sex life; and the nagging worry that the real you — your merry makeup-wearing, martini-sipping self — may be on permanent hiatus.

Photo by Kathleen Findlay/Masterfile

Most new moms are ready to start feeling like some semblance of their old selves within six weeks of delivery. But the timing varies — especially if you have other children or have given birth to multiples. Rule 1: don’t rush it! When you feel ready to take action, here are some expert tips on how to work on four major areas of postpartum concern — exercise, self-image, sex and depression.

ambulatory again

Samantha Montpetit-Huynh, a pre- and postnatal fitness specialist in Toronto, is wary about saying how soon a new mom should start exercising. Her basic advice is to take it in baby steps. “I’d say not to really push it and not to get into any real routine until you’ve had the OK from your doctor at your six-week checkup,” she says. “And I’m more diligent about that with women who’ve had C-sections.” For women who’ve had vaginal births, she suggests taking slow, short walks as soon as they feel up to it.

If you’ve had a C-section, she suggests starting with a daily five-minute walk a week or so after delivery. “The best way to get the muscles working again is to move them,” she says. “Of course, it’s easier said than done because you’re sore, exhausted and sleep-deprived already, and then you want to go exercise? Gimme a break!”

tummy time

When walking becomes easier and the doctor has given you the OK, you’re probably ready for some exercise to target that mummy tummy. Try these, says Montpetit-Huynh.

Modified planks

Get down on your forearms and knees. Drop your hips until your torso is straight, then simply tuck your belly button in and keep it in as long as possible. “You’re contracting the muscle and holding it,” she explains, “which is a very good way to strengthen it without lengthening or stressing it.” (For the next level of plank, go to http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/pregnancy-exercise.asp?ID=274&
extype=pp.)
 
Air cycling

Even doing good old-fashioned “bicycles” will help. Lying on your back, extend your legs and pedal away on your air bike, keeping your legs as low to the floor as possible. Also, while you’re still lying on your back, clasp your hands behind your head and rotate at the waist, pointing your elbow to the opposite knee. Both of these techniques work several abdominal muscles, including the rectus abdominus and the obliques.

Montpetit-Huynh stresses that it’s important for new mothers to avoid overworking the rectus abdominus — that surface six-pack muscle — until the deepest of the abdominal muscles, the transversus abdominus, is stronger. This muscle gives you your core strength and it needs to become stronger before you work on the six-pack. She also warns new moms who have had diastasis recti (separation of the abdominals) not to do major abdominal work until these muscles have healed.

feel fabulous

OK, so now that you’re a mom, you may have a sneaking fear that the self-assured, confident, socially graceful “old you” has been replaced by this greasy-haired, anxious hermit. Don’t fixate on the negative, says Dr. Laurie Gottlieb, a nursing professor at Montreal’s McGill University and a developmental psychologist specializing in early child and family development. “Any major life event is a long process of adjustment, and it helps us as individuals and couples to grow, develop, change. It is not about losing an identity, but revising it,” just as you have been throughout your life. Keep this in mind, she adds: “There is nothing more important than giving another person life and helping them to become a healthy, productive, beautiful human being.”

Photo by Masterfile

Of course, that may be hard to keep in mind most days. So Gottlieb says it’s also just fine to focus on the more superficial aspects of creating the new you. “Pack up or give away your maternity clothes,” she says. “This pregnancy is over!” Take those sensible maternity shoes that encased your swollen feet and bury them in the backyard. Forget the sloppy sweatsuits and the oversized T-shirts, too — they make you look twice as big as you really are.

Find new clothes that fit and that make you feel pretty. Luckily, fuller dresses with forgiving empire waists are now in style — great for covering a few extra pounds. If you don’t want to buy clothes until you’ve lost some weight, buy some stylish hoops for your ears or a cool bangle for your wrist — these body parts will not have changed size with pregnancy. Get a new hairdo, update your makeup. Finally, says Gottlieb, “Try not to be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself with the same understanding, compassion and care as you would a friend in a similar situation.”

baby on board

Join a mothers-and-babies exercise class. “It’s a two for two!” says Monpetit-Huynh. You socialize with other women going through the postpartum phase and you get a workout. Exercising with your little one is a great motivator because no babysitter is necessary. And Baby also serves as a cuddly prop in the following exercises.

Baby kisses

Placing Baby on the floor, do push-ups over her, making facial contact and talking to her.

Reverse crunches

Lie on your back with your knees bent and your calves parallel to the floor. Placing Baby on your raised shins and securing him with your hands, pull him toward you and push him away from you by moving your legs back and forth.

Chest presses

These are like bench presses except you lift Baby instead of dumbbells.

is there sex after birth?

It’s taken 10 months — not nine, as you’d always thought — to meet your new bundle of joy (and tears and spit-up, etc.). You’ve wisely spent the past few weeks recovering from the birth and simply trying to stay sane while feeding, diapering, bathing, soothing and getting to know your little one. But now your thoughts are turning to you: that paunch and those maternity jeans you just can’t seem to shake; the fear that things aren’t so taut “down there,” wreaking havoc on your sex life; and the nagging worry that the real you — your merry makeup-wearing, martini-sipping self — may be on permanent hiatus.

Photo by Masterfile

Parenting author Ann Douglas vividly recalls being less than patient with her husband in the first months after the births of their four children. “I would wonder whether he was being totally loving and understanding to me and the baby simultaneously, even if he’d driven an hour and more to commute to and from work!” she says. “Then there was the issue of whose life had changed the most, which turned into a big competition.” So in that atmosphere of resentment, Douglas says, it’s no wonder sex and other intimacies can suffer when couples become parents.

Then, of course, there’s the physical pain of recovering from delivery, and the worry that after vaginal delivery, your sex life may never be the same. Fear not, says Douglas. “It’s not like you have watermelon-type capacity after pregnancy.” In the majority of cases, the vagina eventually regains muscular tone, says Dr. Terry O’Grady, a gynecologist at the Women’s Health Centre in St. John’s, Nfld. Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic-floor muscles help some women.

Douglas advises women not to worry about how their husbands may view their post-pregnancy bodies during physical intimacy. “People will talk about how milk leaks out, but I always figured it was a natural cooling mechanism! Your man is more likely to be happy to be experiencing physical intimacy again than critical of your still-mumsy body.

As for vaginal dryness due to the suppression of estrogen during breastfeeding, O’Grady says, this will resolve when breastfeeding ends or ovulation resumes. In the meantime, commercial lubricants and moisturizers can help. “The main thing,” says Douglas, “is to talk about it so you’re not just avoiding sex because you don’t want to deal with it.”

make a date

Sex aside, says Douglas, it’s crucial for new parents to have regular time together alone. Schedule dates. Find someone you trust to stay with your newborn for a few hours and get out of the house with your spouse. Don’t even talk about the baby until the car ride home!

got the blues?

How do the “baby blues” differ from postpartum depression? While both of these are related to hormonal changes after delivery, “the baby blues are fleeting,” says Gottlieb. “Usually two to three days after the baby’s birth, new mothers often feel weepy and sad. But after a few good cries, the feelings pass.” Postpartum depression, however, is a true mood disorder. “It differs from the baby blues in terms of time, intensity and range of emotions.” The low mood does not lift after several days, but deepens and can last a few weeks or a few months. It may require medical intervention. “Depression can be treated. These moms can and will feel joy and happiness again if they get the proper medical help,” Gottlieb says.

She advises new mothers and their family members to watch for these red-light warnings of postpartum depression:

• crying bouts lasting longer than a week over an extended period;
• persistent loss of appetite;
• difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much;
• ongoing feelings of anxiety or sadness, numbness, feeling bad in situations that usually give you joy;
• the belief that you have a bad baby, that the baby is out to get you or that you are a bad mother;
• feeling that there is no way out; and
• thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.